Nine things I hate about fashion

Nine things I hate about fashion

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Image result for Nine things I hate about fashionWHAT’S not to love about the fashion world? A fabulous planet where silk pyjamas by day are chic, dark hair roots are edgy and sneakers in the office de rigueur.

It’s a place you can wear balloon sleeves, glove shoes and bum bags, and justifiably spend atrocious amounts of money on investment accoutrements.

Yes there is much to love, but like any industry you discover things that niggle, grate and irritate. Here are just nine of them.

SPEAKING FASHIONESE

Our own exclusive patter includes peculiar word marriages like conflama (conflict + drama), athleisure (athletic + leisurewear), glawesome (glamorous + awesome) and fantragic (fantastic + tragic). They are words we utter with serious unsmiling reverence, that non-fashion people find delightfully comical.

FASHION IS VERY SERIOUS

“Fashion stole my smile,” deadpans Victoria Beckham’s new T-shirts — and she’s not joking. The fashion cognoscenti find smiling tedious, especially when they are frow (front + row) at runway shows.

Admittedly it’s dull — all that high-end fashion, free-flowing French and the obligatory star-studded after parties. Pfff. I’d rather be an accountant.

Could the fashion front row be any less happy? New York Fashion week 2016. Picture: Trevor Collens / AFP Photo

Could the fashion front row be any less happy? New York Fashion week 2016. Picture: Trevor Collens / AFP PhotoSource:AFP

FASHION ISN’T TAKEN SERIOUSLY

In typical fashion, I will contradict myself and say that it’s equally irksome when fashion isn’t taken seriously. This occurs when someone who doesn’t like fashion or finds it threatening, ridicules one’s vocation, or newly acquired Gucci Horsebit shearling-lined leather slippers.

Fashion IS serious, and Stanley Tucci’s character in The Devil Wears Prada nails it when he describes fashion as “greater than art, because you live your life in it”.

That’s right, the whole world lives in fashion, which makes us all consumers. To meet this global demand, the industry creates millions of jobs for designers, retailers, shop assistants, models, journalists, seamstresses, photographers et al. I’d say that’s a fairly serious industry, no?

KNOCK-IT-OFF

While we all have the right to a nice handbag, high street stores that rip-off expensive designer handbags are downright annoying. Suddenly my Dior feels defanged by these cheap impostors, and my family slighted given they have eaten tinned beans for a month in order for me to finance it. If you covet my handbag, keep it real and get creative with a tin of sardines, if not to make me feel better and support the designer, but for the sake of an authentically stylish wardrobe.

MUST-HAVE — YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT IT

“Have you seen the new must-have Stella McCartney Falabella shoulder bag reimagined in panelled denim?” They are words designed to entice fashionistas to buy new season must-haves they are unable to afford. No other words in Fashionese or the English language plummet us into debt like these ones.

For example, you absolutely must have this 2017/2018 Chanel Jacket, price available upon request (of course). Picture: AFP Photo / Patrick Kovarik

For example, you absolutely must have this 2017/2018 Chanel Jacket, price available upon request (of course). Picture: AFP Photo / Patrick KovarikSource:AFP

EVERYBODY IS A STYLIST

Law graduates, shop assistants, kindy teachers and gap year enthusiasts — what do they have in common? They freely call themselves fashion stylists, which make working as one feel like you are a contestant on an episode of Survivor (of the most stylish). Suddenly years of working up the fashion ladder feel obsolete, as you battle it out for a gig with a high school graduate. Conflama!

IT IS IT

IT Girls, IT Bags, IT Shoes. If it’s IT, then it is IT. Get it or confused? If IT is on-trend, IT is a must-have or must-know. For example, currently the IT-Bag is the Chanel 2.55, the IT-Shoe Miu Miu’s faux-shearling pearl-embellished slide sandals, and current IT-Girls include Gigi Hadid and Lily-Rose Depp. Yes, it’s lot to take in and keep track of. Impossible really. Got IT?

Gigi Hadid is IT. And being IT sometimes means wearing white on white on white. Gigi at the CFDA Fashion Awards on June 5, 2017. Picture: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

Gigi Hadid is IT. And being IT sometimes means wearing white on white on white. Gigi at the CFDA Fashion Awards on June 5, 2017. Picture: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty ImagesSource:Getty Images

THE BLOGGER

With minimal industry experience and a million followers, bloggers are major fashion players. They have great legs, busy trigger fingers and drip in new season gifted must-haves.

Despite their enormous Instagram-fuelled pay packets and their endless selfies and shoefies (i.e. aerial shots of their vertiginous heels), they look bored (but beautiful). Sniff. Annoying.

FAST FASHION

Light on cash but want to look stitched-up? Head to the high street and pick up poorly made designer rip-offs made in sweatshops, that generate fat profits for those at the top while their workers at the bottom battle poverty.

Or here is a better idea — ditch the high street and hunt for the unique and well made. Seek out past treasures at vintage stores, or fossick for future fashion from emerging designers.

You will look stylish for the same price and be supporting a small business in the process. Now doesn’t that make you feel glawesome?

Fashion, darling. Picture: Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

Fashion, darling. Picture: Neilson Barnard/Getty ImagesSource:Getty Images

Elizabeth Clarke is a style commentator, columnist, and stylist and has been treading her own path through the fashion industry here and abroad for more than twenty years. Follow her on Twitter @ElizabethJ_C

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